0910

The Climate of New Zealand

　　Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
　　 Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
　　 Teacher: Wrong.
　　 Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!


中文：
新西兰的气候
　　老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样？
　　 马修：老师，那里的天气很冷。
　　 老师：错了。
　　 马修：可是，老师！从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。

0911

The Fourth Element

　　Teacher: What are the four element of nature?
　　 Student: Fire, air, earth, and... and ...
　　 Teacher: And what? Just think it over, what do you wash your hands with?
　　 Student: Soap!


中文：
新西兰的气候
　　老师：自然界的四大元素是什么？
　　 学生：火、气、土和......
　　 老师：和什么？想一想， 你用什么洗手的？
　　 学生：肥皂。


[ 此贴被fengfan4613在2008-09-12 11:05重新编辑 ]

0912

To Buy a Video

　　Amos asked his mother whether they could have a video.
　　 "I’m afraid we can’t afford one," sighed his mother.
　　 But on the following day in came Amos, staggering beneath the weight of a brand-new video.
　　 "How on earth did you pay for that?" gasped his mother.
　　 "Easy, Mum." replied Amos, "I sold the television!"


中文：
买录像机
　　艾莫斯问妈妈他们是否能买一台录像机。
　　 ”恐怕我们还买不起，“妈妈叹息着说。
　　 可第二天当艾莫斯回来时，他摇摇晃晃地搬着一台全新的录像机。
　　 ”你究竟是哪儿来的钱买这东西？“妈妈大吃一惊，喘着气说。
　　 ”妈妈，这简单，“ 艾曼斯回答。”我把电视机给卖了！"

0913

Compliment
　　 "Larry! Come here!" said his furious mother, putting the telephone down, " I’ve just had a call from Mrs. Harrison about your behavior to her Doris at the school dance last night. You wretched, rude boy!"
　　 "I was nice to her, Mum, really I was!" protested the youth.
　　 "I even paid her a compliment when we had a dance."
　　 "Did you, indeed?" said his mother grimly, "And what exactly did you say?"
　　 "I said, Gosh, Doris, you sweat less than any fat girl I’ve ever danced with!"


中文：
恭维话
　　“拉里，你过来！”妈妈放下电话后生气地说，“我刚才接到哈里森夫人地电话，她告诉我你在昨晚的学校舞会上对多丽丝行为不好，你可耻，粗鲁！”
　　 “妈妈，我对她很好，真的！”小伙子不服气地说。“当我和她跳舞时我还说了一句恭维她的话。”
　　 “你真的这么做的吗？”妈妈严厉地问。“你的原话是怎么说的？”
　　 “我说，啊呀，多丽丝，你比我跳过舞的任何胖姑娘出汗都少！”

0914

I Caught Every Step
　　Mr. Brown was reading his evening paper when there came a tremendous banging down the stairs. He jumped up, ran to the hall, and discovered his schoolboy son sprawled on the floor.
　　 "Did you miss a step?" asked his dad.
　　 "No, I caught every blessed one!" came the bitter answered.


中文：
我一级也没漏
　　布朗先生在看晚报，忽然传来一阵什么东西从楼上摔下来的响声。他跳了起来，跑到厅里，发现自己上了学的儿子四角朝天地躺在地上。
　　 ”你是不是踩漏了一级台阶？“爸爸问。
　　 ”不，我每一级都撞上了，一级也没有漏掉！“儿子痛苦地回答。

0915

I Hope So
　　Neighbour: Do you think your son will forget all he learned at college?
　　Father: I hope so -- he certainly can’t make a living by kissing girls!


中文：
我希望如此
　　邻居：您认为您的儿子会把在大学里学的东西全忘光吗？
　　父亲：我希望这样－他当然不能以吻女孩子谋生吧！

0916

Conduct and Courtesy
Father: The school report gives you a D for conduct and an A for courtesy. How did you manage that?
Cuthbert: Whenever I punch someone, I apologize.


中文：
品德与礼貌
父亲：学校的成绩单上给你的品德分是D，礼貌分是A，你这是怎么搞的？
卡斯伯特：无论我什么时候打了人，过后我都会向人家道歉的。

0917

A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."


中文：
懂得一门外语的重要性
一只大猫带着四只小猫，突然路遇一只大狗，小猫吓的往后退缩，这时大猫对着狗一阵大吠，把狗吓跑。

大猫扭头对小猫说：“看到没有，知道懂得一门外语的重要性了吧。”

0918

This is my seat
It was a woman's first time on a plane. She boarded the plane and found herself a window seat.

After she settled in, a man came over and insisted that she was in his seat. She ignored him and told him to go away.

"Okay," replied the man. "If that's the way you want it, you fly the plane."


中文：
你坐错了，这是我的位子
有个妇女第一次坐飞机。上了飞机后她找到自己的座位坐了下来。

一会一个男人做过来坚持说她坐的是他的位子。这个妇女不理睬他，并叫他走开。

“好吧，”这个男的回答，“如果你坚持的话，那你来驾驶飞机吧。”

0719

Lady: I'd like to buy a sweater for my dog.
Clerk: What size?
Lady: I have no idea.
Clerk: Well, why don't you bring in the dog and try one on?
Lady: Oh, I can't do that. I want it to be a surprise.




中文：
我想给它一个惊喜
女士：我想给我的小狗买件毛线衫。
店员：多大的？
女士：我也不知道。
店员：那您为什么不把它带来试一试呢？
女士：哦，我不想那样做，因为我想给它一个惊喜?

nothing value lfor aughing

Correction:nothing value for laughing

i like this page layout!

0920

Present for Mother
There was a woman who had three sons. When they had grown up the sons left home went out on their own and prospered years later. Getting back together they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first said "I will build a big house for our mother."
The second said "I will send her a Mercedes with a driver."
The third said "Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter mom sent out her letters of thanks.
"Milton" she wrote to one son "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room but I have to clean the whole house."
"Gerald" she wrote to another "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude"
"Dearest Donald" she wrote to her third son "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."



中文：
送给妈妈的礼物(意想不到)
　　一个女人有3个儿子。长大成人后，儿子们纷纷出外谋生，数年后功成名就。回到家乡，他们聚在一起，商量送什么礼物给年迈的母亲。
　　 第一个说：“我要给母亲建一所大房子。”
　　 第二个说：“我要把一辆梅塞德斯连同司机一起送给母亲。”
　　 第三个说：“你们还记得吧？妈妈特别喜欢读《圣经》。你们也知道，她的眼现在有点花了。我要送她一只非同寻常的鹦鹉，这只鹦鹉可以将整部《圣经》背诵下来，神父们花了12年的时间才教会它。妈妈只需要说出篇章、段落，这只鹦鹉就能把它背出来。”
　　 之后不久，母亲给儿子们分别回信表示感谢。
　　 “米尔顿，”她在信中给一个儿子写道，“你为我建的房子实在有点太大了，我只住一个房间，却需要打扫整所房子。”
　　 “杰罗德，”她给另一个儿子写道，“我太老了，不能再出去旅游了。大部分时间我都待在家里，那辆梅塞德斯很少用。而且，那个司机也太粗鲁了！”
　　 “我最亲爱的唐纳德，”在给第三个儿子的信中她写道，“你最知道妈妈需要什么，那只小鸡非常好吃。”