0831
They are directly from America

　　Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."



中文：
它们是直接从美国带来的

　　一位中国老太太去美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。 这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后她实在忍不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这些都是真正的美元，它们都是直接从美国带来的。”

0831

Bedtime Prayers

　　　　Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　 Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"

　　 And Julie replied, "Because that’s what I put in my geography exam!"



中文：
睡前祷告词

　　朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

　　 妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”

　　 朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”

要提高了

补0901

Jesus’s Telly

　　A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and 　　
　　 Holy Family wore duly admired.
　　 "But what’s that in the corner?" asked Mother.
　　 "Oh, that’s their telly," replied the tot.


中文：
耶稣的电视机
　　圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。
　　 他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。
　　 “可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。
　　 “噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。

0902

Half or Five Tenths?

　　Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?
　　 Gerald: I’d much rather have the half.
　　 Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.
　　 Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.



中文：
半个还是十分之五

　　 老师：你愿意要半个柑橘，还是十分之五个柑橘？
　　 杰拉得：我宁可要半个。
　　 老师：仔细想想，说出理由来。
　　 杰拉得：因为你如果把柑橘切成十分之五，那柑橘汁就损失太多了。

近段时间忙于找工作，昨天竟然忘了：
0903(补)

Who do you think you are?

　　The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
　 “It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
　 “I am the driver.” he said.



中文：
你以为你是谁？
　　公共汽车上很挤，当又一个人还是试图上车时，乘客们不让他上。
　　“车上太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？”
　　“我是司机！”他说。

0904

if I Am a Manager

　　One day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager.
　　 All the students began to write except a boy. The teacher went to him and asked the reason.
　　 “I am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.




中文：
如果我是一个经理
　　一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。
　　 所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。
　　 “我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。

有意思，呵呵呵

0906
你等着发工资吧
If you are alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. If you need money... wait for your salary.

　　如果你感到孤独，我做你的影子。如果你想哭泣，我做你的肩膀。如果你想要拥抱，我做你的枕头。如果你想要快乐，我做你的微笑。如果你想要钱……等着发工资吧！

0905

The Looney Bin

　　Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院）one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
　　The first inmate said, "God told me!"
　　Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"




中文：
疯人院
　　一天晚上，在疯人院里，一个病人说：“我是拿破仑！”另一个说：“你怎么知道？”第一个人说：“上帝对我说的！”一会儿，一个声音从另一个房间传来：“我没说！”

0906

A Man of Actions

　　 A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening！”
　　 A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions！” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him！” said another.
　　 Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”
　　 He bent and whispered to her, “Well,er···er···Miss Rose, er···he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”




中文：
一个言出必行的人

　　一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那个家伙不收回他今早　　对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。”
　　 下面一片喧哗。“真是个言出必行的人。”一个人艳羡地说。另一个说：“我们要支持他、学习他。”
　　 突然，一个女孩问道：“那家伙对你说什么了，霍波？”
　　 他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，罗斯小姐，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。”

0907

Correct

　 Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school?
　 Jimmy: I don’t know...
　 Teacher: Correct.


中文：
很对

　　教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么？
　　 吉米：不知道……
　　 老师：很对。

英語太難學了,誰能告訴我簡單一點的方法

0908

Why did it make you late

Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black,
“Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream.”
“Why did it make you late?” inquired the teacher.
“Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time,” replied Mike.


中文：
那什么会使你迟到呢

迈克上学迟到了。他对老师布莱克先生说：“对不起，我迟到了，老师。我梦见了一场足球赛。”
老师问：“那什么会使你迟到呢？”
迈克回答说：“因为两个队不分胜负，因此持续了很长时间。”

0909

Boxing and Running

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, "This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight."
Friend: "But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box."
Dan: "I’m teaching him how to run, too."


中文：
拳击和赛跑
丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：“这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。”
朋友：“如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？”
丹：“我也会教他怎么样赛跑呢。”